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Up the ante – Celebs of the world!

January 29, 2009

Celebs of the world! Where do they go from here? A golden age can only mean one thing that the inevitable downward spiral is just around the corner, or on the next advert laden page in their case. Empires, movements, trend; both good and bad all suffer decline, but there is always scope for an evolution of an idea to keep the status quo in place. A reinvention or a quick fix, call it what you want, it’s what the forerunners of any era have attempted to varying degrees of success, Romans, Nazis and Madonna alike.

There’s only one way forward I can think of, and I think such a natural progression of a fashion could well work for some of our famous friends who are struggling for column inches.

Celebrity child abandonments! No wait! Come back! Hear me out here; it’s like the life cycle completing itself. We have endured the personal hells of various A and Z list mothers struggling to complete their lives with little baby shaped jigsaw pieces from around the globe. So… the only thing to do is start abandoning these children as they slow down careers like small but heavy multi coloured weights around fragile necks.

I see a weekly glossy with exclusive pictures of Madge leaving one of her little terrors behind a skip in downtown L.A. in fly shades and velour tracksuit, she poses for a few pictures as she leaves the screaming infant for the cruel sea to reclaim them. Fabulous darling!

But you have to do these things properly, Icon and presenter of channel 4’s “How to Leave Your Kids Naked” tells us; “Just turn your back and walk away darling!”

As with any new trend there comes imitation, and bad imitation at that: Kerry Katona was papped two hours after abandoning her child up just to pick it up again and drive to another part of town to repeat the process. Some people will be greedy, but at least we know a bad Mother when we see one, don’t we folks?

With beauty comes pain, and there shall be victims, those girls that once starved themselves unto “perfection” will now be imitating our stars once again. At first they will use dolls but eventually will resort to leaving younger siblings in unsavoury parts of town in the small our and recording the whole sorry thing on YouTube. So the Daily Mail will have something to shout about as well! I’ve thought of everything haven’t I?

Up the ante!

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