Bellamy, He’s not the real Kaka, he’s a naughty boy!

February 27, 2009

Is there anything more beautiful than a footballers honeymoon period with his new club? He’s snapped holding up his new shirt and beams with joy as his manager laps praise upon his latest signing, then they talk of the long years they will work together at the club and the beautiful music they will make under the moonlight; and as luck has it the new boy will normally score on his home debut and kiss the badge upon his shirt in celebration. The fans love it. You love it. And as a neutral; like some kind of sick football voyeur, so do I! But I must admit that I enjoy watching the drama of when the move doesn’t work out much more.

One such expert on the protocol of how to endear oneself to the new fans is Craig Bellamy, who by a mystical alignment of the planets continues to move from big club to big club; despite leaving a trail of misconduct and bad form behind him. It really was a Jack and the Beanstalk moment as Mark Hughes set of to market with the big money and returned with magic beans. You can just imagine Manchester City’s oil pumping owners’ response to the signing; “Who?” as he spits out his cash sandwich, “Welsh? Is that some kind of Brazilian?”

Craig Bellamy. Every school playground has one. He’s that kid you never played football with because there was a high chance he would play by his own rules; he’s never offside, his 20 yard toe-poke would always clip the imaginary crossbar and go in, he would fight to take every free kick, corner and penalty (even if awarded against him) and come the end of break whistle he would either kick the ball on the roof or just steal the bloody ball altogether. A real menace.

I am dumbfounded as to how he remains a valuable asset to big clubs yet he is disliked by fans and more than a few credible fellow professionals. Like some kind of contract lothario he has made false promises, kissed the badge, and gone for the greener grass whenever tempted and again to my amazement; never to the detriment of his reputation.

Like the Teacher who was having it away with the naughty boy’s mother; Mark Hughes’ money stained fingers are seen ruffling his hair as he defends the little tearaway “He’s not a bad lad really”. Maybe not, but he isn’t the player you went to the shops to buy in the first place. You never know, maybe Craig is tormented by dreams where he is a replacement pet for a family who’s dog was run over. You’re second best Craig, and always will be. Spooky!

It is one of footballs oldest and exhausted clichés that “fans never forget”, but it seems that managers and chairman can’t remember. It is criminal that characters with a complete disregard for colleagues, employers and fans should continue to climb the ladder whilst other folk can’t get a grip. So if a Craig Bellamy asks if he can play, just say no.